Thank you for the nice card! I had a great time visiting and hope to see you all again soon.
As you can see from the card, Larry and I rented a row boat and took a trip across the lake with two penguins and a cub scout who was working on a merit badge in elephant management. You might be surprised to find out that penguins aren't really much fun on a row boat trip - they get seasick. The elephant ate all the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches before we were even half way across the lake. I had to do all the rowing. But it was nice to get away for the afternoon because I've been having a lot of trouble with squirrels.
One day I'd finally had enough. I went to the store and bought a new bird feeder that said right on it, "This bird feeder will absolutely, positively, no ifs ands or buts, keep the squirrels from eating all the bird food!!" I was sure it would work because it was scientific, with lots of springs and wires and dohickies.
Well… you can probably guess. The squirrels had torn off the bottom of the feeder and dumped ALL the food down onto the patio deck. They were lounging around, yawning, stretching, and burping. They had eaten so much their legs would no longer reach the ground. They looked like fat, furry brown bowling balls. I had to roll them off the patio into the flowerbed because I was afraid they might explode.
I rushed out to the backyard, grabbed the garden hose and put out the fire. The lion was not happy. Lions aren't all that happy to begin with, but when you wake them up by lighting their tail on fire, then soak them with a garden hose, it makes them a little more grumpy then usual. I took him down to the bus stop and give him two dollars for bus fare back to the zoo.
It took a little convincing but I finally talked them into it. I told them how much fun they would have - of course I left out the part about the one-way ticket. Squirrels aren't that smart when it comes to travel arrangements. They tend to live in the moment. I bought them new luggage, sunglasses, and sombreros. At the last minute they made me run down to the store for candy bars. Frankie the bluejay told them that airplane food wasn't very good.
What could possibly go wrong?
For about 20 minutes.
Suddenly, there was frantic horn honking in the driveway. Oh, oh, I thought. This can't be good.
I went out the gate to see what the ruckus was about. There was the taxicab in the driveway. Inside it looked like a hurricane had hit. There were bits of candy bar wrappers all over everywhere, little paw prints of chocolate were on the windows, squirrels wearing sunglasses and sombreros were dancing the cha cha.
Squirrels were hanging out the windows by their back feet waving sombreros, squirrels were swinging on the rearview mirror. Squirrels were playing with the buttons, rolling the windows up and down, up and down. They had the radio on full blast, and were changing the channel every few seconds.
Oh, oh, I thought. This is definitely not good.
Everything, it seemed, had started out just fine, and stayed that way, for about a minute and a half. Then the squirrels got hungry, like they do, about every minute and a half. They began to rummage through their bags of candy for a snack to tide them over until they got to the airport. Squirrels, candy bars, taxicabs, sombreros and sunglasses turn out to be a bad combination. Before you know it things get out of hand. About the time that things had gotten really out of hand the cab drove past a police car parked along side the highway.
The police officers looked up from their coffee and doughnuts to see a taxicab whiz by with squirrels leaping all around inside, wearing sombreros and sunglasses but not wearing their seat belts. They were tossing candy bar wrappers out of the windows, along with a couple one-way tickets to Bolivia. Oh, oh. The police hit the siren, pulled over the taxicab and began writing tickets: littering, failure to use seat belts, transporting squirrels without a permit, contributing to the delinquency of rodents.
The squirrels are once more chasing each other all around the yard, knocking things over, leaping through the trees, digging up plants, eating the rose bushes, and worst of all, stealing food out of the bird feeder. Except now they are all wearing sombreros and sunglasses. Sigh…
Love and kisses,